michaelrayes.com
Marriage and Parenting Newsletter
Issue #1: Kids in the grocery store?
Welcome! to the very first edition of the newsletter that will help make your marriage stronger, your kids better behaved, and your relationship with God deeper.
This monthly newsletter will give you ideas to help focus your efforts on your marriage and your family.
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“…a child of three often has more personality than both parents put together.”
– F.J. Sheed, Marriage and the Family (New York: Sheed and Ward, no date – early ‘60s) p. 71.
[featured article]
Seven practical ways to make your child behave in the grocery store
You can do this!
I will start with the best solution right off the bat: Don’t bring your kids with you to the grocery store. Grocery stores are boring for kids and they have inappropriate magazine covers your children will see.
There may be times, however, when you must bring your children with you inside the store and you cannot arrange any other situation. Prepare yourself mentally for the trip and pray to your children’s guardian angels for patience.
Remember, kids misbehave because they are bored, hungry, or tired. A combination of all three means you have a problem on your hands, and you need the strength to put up with it. Try to eliminate as much of these as you can and things will go much easier for you! Here are seven practical tips, in no particular order, to help make your children behave in the grocery store.
Number 1: Feed them before you go shopping. This will at least eliminate the hunger part of the misbehavior formula.
Why this is important: Fed children have more patience, and they will not bother you as nearly as much for candy or food in the checkout aisle.
Number 2: Promise them dessert or candy if they behave. But tell them YOU will pick out the candy, and it won’t be the impulse candy at their height at the checkout counter.
Why this is important: The child who has his impulses checked turns into the adult who has self-control. The boy who gets whatever he wants turns into the man who cannot control his wild passions.
Number 3: Before you go, spend a couple minutes at home telling them not to run in the store. They will walk with you. They must stay in the same aisle you are in.
Why this is important: Children behave better when expectations are set for them beforehand. They need boundaries.
Number 4: Try to eliminate as much audio-visual stimulation from their life as you can. Get rid of the TV; limit video games to once a week; limit movie watching.
Why this is important: These things make them bored easily at any slow-moving event, whether it’s Sunday Mass or shopping with their parents.
Number 5: Involve the older kids with your shopping. Give them a short list and help them figure out the best brand to purchase.
Why this is important: It curtails their boredom. As an added bonus, you are teaching them a valuable life skill: to manage their own finances and make purchasing decisions.
Number 6: Let the younger kids bring a toy (only one so they don’t get lost!).
Why this is important: This will help alleviate boredom. Better yet, have a special “grocery store” toy that they are only allowed to play with while walking through the store with you. Your children won’t get tired of the toy as fast.
Number 7: If you see a tantrum coming on, remind the child that they will be punished if they don’t settle down and they will lose their after-store candy privilege. If the child is still misbehaving or beginning to whine, go to a corner of the store or the restroom and discreetly discipline the child. This can be done with a light slap on the bottom and / or a firm, but quiet, lecture. (Don’t spank loudly in public or a stranger will call the authorities on you.) You should also be prepared to leave the store, park your cart near an employee who will make sure the items do not get put back, and come back again in five minutes, when the child has composed herself. Be aware that security cameras monitor activity in the parking lot.
Why this is important: Responsibility without authority is worthless. If you are responsible for a project but do not have the authority to make changes to it or enforce the work schedule, your responsibility is set up for failure. The same with parenting. You do have the right – indeed the duty – to spank your children if they need it. However, strangers who catch a glimpse of your parental discipline may not understand the context of what you are doing. Always be aware of this, so the authorities are not called on you.
[catholic topics]
Quick, easy, free, and pleasing to God: How to improve your prayer life and enjoy your family at the same time
I would like to show you something that is so quick it only takes 20 seconds. It is remarkably easy to do and completely free.
It won’t cost you one red cent.
And the best part: It will make God smile.
First, I have a question for you: Let’s say your sister comes to visit and she gives your children candy or a little toy. The child takes the gift from her aunt with a big, quiet smile on her face and turns to walk away. What do you do as a parent?
If you are like many parents, you look at your daughter and prompt her with “What do you say?” The child then remembers to thank her aunt.
Let’s get back to the quick, easy, and free thing you can do that will both please God and draw your family closer together at the same time. You probably already pray the “Grace Before Meals” prayer. It goes like this: Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Do you have trouble keeping the family together at meal time? Do the kids leave when they are finished eating, without asking if they can be excused from the table?
Pray “Grace After Meals” and your kids will stick around. They don’t have a choice. They have to wait at the table until pretty much everyone is done eating (you can start the prayer when the last person is still eating, so everyone isn’t stuck waiting for the straggler).
Grace After Meals is quick. It only takes 20 seconds. It’s a very easy prayer. And it’s free. The best thing: You and your entire family will now show gratitude to God! Your loving Savior in Heaven just has to smile when His children on earth remember to say “thank you” after they enjoy a meal from His bounty. Like your daughter who says “thank you” to her aunt in above example, your family can also learn a habit of gratitude.
The prayer goes like this: We give Thee thanks O Almighty God for all Thy benefits, who livest and reignest world without end. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.
Starting today, you can keep your family together at the table, teach them by your daily practice that they should be grateful people, pray for the poor souls in Purgatory, and show your own gratitude toward God for His blessings.
All in 20 seconds.
[quick tip – on marriage]
When your husband comes home from work, give him about 10 minutes or so to quietly “decompress.” Strongly avoid the temptation to talk with him. Let him have about 10 or 15 minutes of quiet time to transition his brain from traffic and work problems to actually being a husband and father again.
Then, and only then, tell him about the leaking faucet. Better yet, wait until after dinner.
[newsletter info]
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